It Isn't Easy Being The Clever One
by Nemmisaur
Summary: When Artemis Fowl is moved from St.Bartlebys to The Fernblock Academy, he leaves any friends he may have had behind there. Stuck in a dormitory with Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth, he manages to escape, starting a chain of events that will change lives.
1. Chapter 1

Artemis Fowl stared at the ceiling in the cramped room he shared with 3 other boys. He had been sent to the Fernblock Academy to make friends with boys his own age. So far, this had not turned out the way his father had expected. Artemis was trying his hardest to maintain a mysterious persona: sneaking out of the grounds at night, disappearing in the middle of lunch break, and spending long hours of free time in the I.T rooms. Looking around furtively, he tapped a number into his smart-phone.

"Hello, Holly?" he whispered.

"Yes, Artemis, what do you want?" Replied the voice on the other end.

"I need advice."

"What sort of advice?" Asked the girl.

"The sort of advice that is rather awkward. How would you go about breaking into an all girl's school?"

"WHAT?" Spluttered Holly, "Artemis, of all the times you choose to be inappropriate, you choose now?"

"I'm not being inappropriate, I just want to get to know someone of the opposite gender. Have her as a friend." He complained.

"Artemis, do you realise how difficult that would be? You could be expelled."

"I must, it's an urge I have. I'm really lonely amongst all these boys."

"I'm not responsible for anything that happens to you, but I'll scan you a visual of the grounds."

"Thank you so much Holly." Artemis cried. "My survival at this school depends on you."

Holly hung up. Artemis was not suprised though. Whenever he got emotional, it was always her who ended the conversation. Maybe she didn't like confused teenage boys?

Artemis printed off the map of the grounds. There was minimum security, obviously no one was a threat to the girls. Maybe with the exception of him. He quickly brushed this thought aside; he would be nice to the girls, not violent and pushy like the boys in his dorm. They always lumbered into these things. Didn't they realise that relationships took time and care? Not that Artemis knew that, he had never been involved with a girl before.

He quickly discovered that the fastest way to the apartments was through the Victorian library, up the west wing staircase and just past the toilets. He couldn't wait. He would leave tomorrow night.


	2. Chapter 2

Lonely was not something Artemis often felt, he was too absorbed in business ventures to miss anyone. This was his one chance to make friends, otherwise he would spend all eternity at Fernblock Academy. Packing a rucksack with all the essentials for a late night wander, he crept into the woods, and closer to the Girl's School.

As he approached the school, it's splendour hit him. The white and cream building had a warm, friendly atmosphere and it's rose clad balconies reminded him of their old family home in Venice, minus the gold leaf and dolphins. Spotting an open window, he slid into the building and crept up the marble staircase as planned. He turned left, past the bathrooms and there he was, in the living quarters of the St. Francis de Sales Wing.

He paused outside room 6C.

"6C?" He mused, " How aptly named for a room full of dressing gown clad girls."

He swung the door open and casually walked in, but there were no girls there. Only four empty beds and and a swinging, lilac lampshade. He noticed a cupboard door stood ajar, wobbling on it's hinges. He peered round, and in the corner of the tiny space, were three girls, all roughly his age.

"I'm Artemis," he said.

"Are you now?" Glared one of the girls, "And what would Artemis be doing at 3am in the middle of a girl's dormitory?"

"I just wanted to see what it was like, find myself a friend or two, find myself generally." He replied casually.

"Oh, so you're one of those gender-confused lads?" Another girl piped up, "14H had one of those a while back. He was a nice boy, a little girlish perhaps but all the same, it's what's inside that counts."

"What's inside that counts?" Murmured Artemis, "That's quite a good philosophy actually, I may just adopt it as my own."

"Why are you here? I want the full version, not a sidestep round!" This was the bossy girl again.

"I'm here because I want a friend. It gets rather lonely up at Fernblock."

"Oh, what you mean is a,_ girlfriend?"_

"No, no, NO. A friend, not a relationship. Just someone to keep me company, reboot my computers and make me half decent sandwiches."

"You mean a maid, basically." replied the first girl.

"Sort of, but a friendly one. The ones at home have the humour of dead turkey." He chuckled, something he did not often do.

"It's a done deal." They agreed. "Where should we meet you? We need to arrange a meeting place."

"Why don't we make it the statue of Shakespeare, the one in the woods? I can meet you after supper."

"That's excellent!" He grinned, another rare occasion.

"I almost forgot, what are your names?" He flushed,

"I'm Darcie," said the girl who had questioned him at the beginning.

"I'm Jemima," chimed a thin girl with strawberry-blonde hair. If that was even a colour. It was more ginger really.

"Don't forget me!" spoke up the last girl "I'm called Electra, after my blue hair, of course!"

"Well, that's interesting but I must be heading back. It's nearly daybreak and my tea will be getting cold." Artemis flinched. He sounded so selfish, waving the girls away like that. He ran back through the forest, past Shakespeare, and in at the door, where he collapsed at the foot of his bed, Laptop falling to the floor. He stripped his clothes off and dived into bed, waiting for 4pm to come. He couldn't wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Artemis was woken abruptly when a bucket of cold water was tipped over his head. The boy on the other end of the bucket was grinning like a hyena on steroids. Jack Barakat. His irritating, Lebanese room mate.

"ARTY ARTY ARTY WAKE UP!" He yelled.

Artemis stared bleary eyed at him. It was 9am. He deserved another hour in bed after last night's little jaunt.

"Why should I wake up? It's a Saturday and I wish to have some more sleep." He replied.

"Because Alex G is up and Vivi is round and I'M GONNA FUCK THIS BURRITO!"

"Vivi?" asked Artemis.

"Yeah, Vivi. Alex's new girlfriend. She's rather nice." Jack shot a sideways wink at him.

Artemis slid out of bed. Not minding that his hair was wet and he wasn't wearing much. He reached for his Armarni suit and a blue tie. He only felt comfortable when he was in evening wear. Collecting his books and slinging his jacket on, he opened the door into the living room.

"Hey, I'm Vivika." She smiled at Artemis, "Who are you?" She smiled again. Maybe she had facial Neuromuscular Disorder?

"I'm Artemis. Now would you please stop smiling at me, and let me out the door. I need to return my library books."

"Okay then. I was only trying to make you feel welcome here. Alex said you were a social and cultural misfit." She frowned.

"He has no idea." And with that, he walked out the door and down the stairs, his jacket swishing behind him.

Giving his books to the librarian, he turned on his heels and slid out into the gardens. They were much neater than the gardens at Fowl Manor. His Mother had allowed them to overgrow, they were wild. Beckett had once got tangled in the brambles there and Butler had to slice him out; not a pleasant sight. In the gardens here, he didn't safe. All the hedges were too neatly manicured, all the flowers were an even shade and there were no leaves on the floor. It was always eerily quite, like there was another person watching your every move, listening in on your thoughts, recording your words. He would ask Foaly to check that out later, he would probably find it amusing to tease him over this, tell him that his paranoia was coming back. What Foaly didn't know was that the paranoia had never left in the first place. It was buried, deep at the back of his mind amongst his darkest thoughts. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He didn't like it here. Squeezing through a gap in the hedge, he took a short cut back to his room, where it was safe.

Jack, Alex and Vivi had left by the time he got back. There was a note stuck to the mini fridge telling him that they probably wouldn't be back until tomorrow. They were making a trip to Vivi's house to meet her family and friends from school.

"Good riddance." He said aloud.

He didn't care much for Jack and Alex's band: All Time Low. It wasn't in anyway calming and it had no sense of lyric or notation. He preferred his own music, flowing and delicate on the piano or heartfelt and lonely on the guitar.

He opened the fridge and opened a bottle of cold, fizzy water. His favourite, it reminded him of long summer days in Ireland, surrounded by the whirring of his computers and eating Turkish delight with Oliver, his only friend back home. He couldn't wait to see them all in a week, The twins, Oliver, Mother, Father, Butler and maybe Holly, if she would respond to his calls. She was probably still upset about Artemis visiting the girls. She was too sensitive for her own good. Quickly downing his water, he set off into the woods to meet Darcie, Jemima and Electra.

They were waiting for him when he got to Shakespeare.

"Hey!" Cried Darcie, "We thought you wouldn't show up tonight"

"We had a bet on," explained Jemima, "Electra just lost £30"

"Wow? Betting that much that I wouldn't come? Artemis Fowl always keeps his word."

"That's good to know. I'll bear that in mind next time these two challenge me to a bet." Scowled Electra.

They opened up a bottle of orange juice that Jemima had brought. She explained that it was the only thing they could get out their dorm without arousing suspicion. Artemis took a sip but quickly spat it out. This wasn't orange juice. It was squash. Sticky, gloopy, squash that the twins liked to drink undiluted. He sat up and looked at his watch. It was almost 5pm. He had an hour left.

They talked some more and all (except Artemis) drank the squash. At 5pm Artemis stood up. He had to go, he was late and couldn't risk being caught by the Teachers or the Prefects. He quickly hugged the girls goodbye and ran as fast as he could, dodging trees along the way. He ran up the staircase, turned left at the maths corridor, took a short cut through the library and fell head first into the knees of Mr. Brinkley, the Biology teacher. He picked him up by his collar and glared at him. Artemis gulped, and as he was marched silently to the heads office, he tried to form a clever excuse to get out of this situation. What he needed now was a miracle.


End file.
